The Book of Transcendental Diseases
Have you ever wanted to give your insufferable aunt an incurable rash, cause your neighbour to sprout extra heads in his armpits, turn your sister’s lovesickness into an actual sickness, turn the nearby forest into a swamp by infecting its guardian spirit, or give a god a cold? Have you ever wondered about the deeper, inner workings of diseases, or how to design a disease that can afflict people and demons alike, or even monsters? Then this is the book for you. For four decades my colleagues and I have gathered the pinnacle of research into diseases and their inner workings, and compiled this tome that you now hold. Furthermore, we have expanded upon the knowledge of those many experts in the field, and showed how much you can accomplish if you only put your mind to it, and acquire the grand overview.
The first part will introduce the theory of mundane and exotic diseases afflicting beings of soul, and show how with minor adjustments, a disease can be made afflict souls of any strength and type. The first part will end with a guide to a practical application collecting all of the theory into one whole, in the chapter titled ‘Ailments of Mice and Men’.
The second part will expand upon the concet of mutating diseases, and introduce the tools necessary to design diseases that can affect demons and other spirits. The bulk of the second part consists of a lot of case studies, each highlighting new concepts as they are introduced. The part will end with a grand application of all the bits in the chapter titled ‘How to Infect an Area by Afflicting its Guardian Spirit.’
The third, and last part, will contain purely theoretical chapters discussing the possibilities of designing diseases that can affect beings with soul and spirit alike, finishing with one highly speculative chapter on causing diseases in monsters.
Finding a cure to any of the diseases described within this book is left as an excercise for the reader.
Acknowledgements: I would like to thank my uncle Arn for sprouting a nose between his fore- and middle finger on his left hand. Vasper would like to thank his mother in law for developing an unusually itchy and incurable rash. Jorskan would like to thank his childhood village of Bloomsdale for kindly lending their people to the plague, enabling us to further our research.- Arthur Innsdale